This is a topic that comes up often when talking about dogs showing behavior problems. Your dog steals because they don't respect you, they don't come when called because they don't respect you, they jump on grandma … you get it. It gets linked back to respect. But is respect as we understand it something that dogs can also understand?
Let's talk about what respect means. The colloquial definition of respect has changed over generations. I'm a young millennial, and how we talk about respect in the dog world is respecting your dog first by giving them the rights that they deserve as a living creature. I give my dog freedom when it's safe to do so. I know their limits and don't put them in situations they can't handle, or quickly get them out. I respect that they are emotional beings feeling things that are just as real as the emotions I feel. The foundation of respect is giving respect.
From what I hear from older training manuals or even older clients I've talked to, maybe boomer, sometimes gen x, it sounds like respect really means veneration. They want their dog to worship them as the god who buys them everything they need, keeps them off the street and warm at night. I see this as the same issue as parents telling their older children “I housed and fed you for 18 years, you owe me ____”. No, that's what you are required to give to a living being so that they keep living and you aren't charged for neglect. That doesn't facilitate respect.
Now let's go back and think about whether dogs understand either kind of respect. When I see what someone calls a respectful dog, I often see a scared dog, one who doesn't want the consequences for not following through with a command or afraid to engage in any behavior without being told. That doesn't often mean an abused dog but it could be a dog who needed a softer more understanding approach to dog behavior. So that's not respect.
Then we have the dog who follows through with every cue not under duress, stops engaging in poor behavior choices when asked and always stays around their person. Is that respect? If we look at the definitions talking about admiration of someone's abilities, sure, I have some great abilities. I can manifest treats from my pockets at any time I deem fit. I can make a tug toy come to life. And I can put them into a portal and pop them back out into a natural wonderland to run in. But that still doesn't feel like respect and that might be because it has such a negative connotation in the dog space to me. I see this as love and training.
Whether you are seeking out what you view as respect or trying to build a better relationship with your dog, you need to imagine what that picture looks like to you, think about the specifics. What are the expectations you have of your dog? What expectations does your dog have of you? Have you taught them all the skills needed to have aligned expectations?
What is often seen as a respect problem goes back to being a training problem. Of course your dog doesn't respect your come cue when you haven't taught them to respond to it effectively. Of course they don't respect the length of the leash if they haven't been taught to loose leash walk. And what people don't want to hear, of course your dog doesn't understand you when you haven't tried to understand them first. Go play with your dog.
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